Monday, July 25, 2011

Plenty Of Fish notes #2

Listen to THIS SONG, loud and on repeat, while surfing POF.

It’ll totally change your outlook. Try it. I dare ya. ;)
It makes reading profiles super-fun.
If  a guy chooses “Octopus” as his “fish personality”,
I assume he’s trying to set first-date expectations early.

POF should offer "sea cucumber" as an option. That'd at least be crazy-funny.
To the guy who sent me the message:
Yup, interesting , cute , intelligent (as near as I can tell) just distance.....sorry
Uh ... thanks for the awkward compliment and pre-emptive rejection?
I bet I could tell you how tall a dude is, just by reading his profile text.
No kidding.
If you’re going to list “porn videos” as an interest, try to NOT put it before "my kids".
One guy has on  his profile “I don't consider myself to be materialistic but I do love hunting for used LPs. I also designed much of my own furniture.”
40 bucks says his end tables are cardboard boxes.
You’ve definitely been online dating too long, when you see a picture of a dude and think:
“He’s probably a serial killer. He’d better be good in bed.”
Saw a guy whose POF profile headline reads “Searching for the GOLDEN ticket”.  
Um ... doesn’t he know four out of the five kids who found one were fucking assholes?
Today’s profile-writing grammar lesson:
It’s not “I’m looking for someone THAT is [insert unrealistic expectation here] ...”
It is “I’m looking for someone WHO is [insert unrealistic expectation here] ... “
Finding the WTF Douchebag Message of the Day was really difficult with all of the messages with the subject line “hi” ... but, here it is:
might i say that at the end of the day u look pretty damn good. Love the sexy deep eyes the devilishly delightfully delicious lips and the long dark haired gypsy goddess look. have you ever rod eon a motorbike gorgeous, made love in the rain, taken a trip to the dark side of new orleans or nawlens? But just remember by the light of the day the darkness will make you pray for a brighter kind of way to lift ur spirits from way down below to ride the wings of freedom with the universal flow. Umm those lips are absolutely delicious by the way.”

1 comment:

  1. Loved your POF but I cannot write to you there because of country restrictions.

    Thanks for sharing a small part of who you are via those forums. I read POF and OkCupid as a hobby with the outside, ridiculously tiny probability of finding someone to share the rest of my bizarre life. This hobby normally is akin to microwaving my nads halfway in two day intervals. Every so often I read something that’s entertaining from someone else who is actually alive from the neck up. This is one of those rare occasions. Reading your pithy remarks encouraged me to resurrect my blog. I’ve written in it occasionally since 2005. I am going to write more now as I am in the mood. (

    Thanks again and may Clive Owen fall randomly into your arms; you are cute and smart enough for that handsome douche.