The Bachelor (02/07/2011)

This week’s Bachelor drinking game: Every time someone says “Costa Rica”, you have to do a shot.

Chicks always dig helicopter rides.  Boys, write that down.

I love when Brad says profound stuff like "Group dates are TOUGH!"
No duh, dude.  Dating one chick at a time is nearly impossible. 
There aren't enough production assistants in the world to make a five-on-one manageable.

If you have to say “I’m glad there were no tears” after you take a girl out, you just might be a horrible boyfriend and the reason why she cries incessantly.  Just sayin'.  Maybe from experience.

If I had been on the date Alli went on, I would’ve totally yelled
“I don’t wanna go on any more of your crazy Goonie adventures!”

~

Once upon a time, in my living room ...

I’m watching the bunny try to romance the dog.

You know how it goes:

She’s like “Yeah, he’s short, but I’m a dog.”

He’s running around after her, grunting, making her feel pretty.

Sure, it’s all sweet and woodland creature cute, but we know how this is gonna end.

 He’s attentive now, but as soon as he humps her, he’s gonna suddenly get really busy with work.  She’s gonna get insecure and clingy. He’s gonna get all passive aggressive and shit and dodge her calls while he tries to figure out how to bang the next bitch.

It’s a timeless love story playing out, right here in my apartment.

Everything I know about the Superbowl, I learned on youtube

I had no idea who's playing in the Superbowl, until I noticed a black and yellow makeup tutorial on youtube. 

Then I watched the makeup tutorial: Steelers

Then I read the comments on the makeup tutorial: versus the Packers

Such a girl.

:)

Weather or not

Lots of hype, false promises of several inches,  and broken vows of plowing late into the afternoon ... followed by disappointment, boredom and the feeling of being held hostage.

 Colour me crazy, but I think I dated this snowstorm.

The Bachelor (01/31/2011)

Everything I know about dating, I learned from watching The Bachelor:

It's fun to let a boy buy you thousands of dollars worth of nice clothes, then wear flip flops to dinner.

I want to be a funeral director, so I can truthfully say to all my dates that guys are dying to be with me.

Guys give the most attention to hot psychos.
(ok, this isn't new information)

Girls are always shocked when boys pull away.

I do not cry more than any other chick on the planet.
(ok, this IS new information)

Women constantly crave feeling special. Men constantly crave feeling boobs.

The face-grabber smooch never fails to be genuine and romantic, no matter how many bitches you snog in one evening.

Saying "I'm falling for you" to a girl whose fiance died in a plane crash is a little mean.

Dates that are 80% crying are perfectly acceptable. 
Ask your therapist; he'll tell you it's healthy. 

Creepy = Sexy

I want my next relationship to have a televised exit interview.


This episode was all about chicks who cry a lot.
It's like it was made just for me.
Thank you, ABC <3


;)

On online dating: #2,418,004

I don’t trust a big, burly, tattoo’d dude who has pictures of an itty-bitty girly-dog on his profile.

It probably means his last girlfriend moved out in such a rush, she was willing to leave her puppy...

We've GOT yer "something blue"

I have a sneaking suspicion TLC channel’s Friday night line-up aimed at chicks at home alone, with its multiple episodes of “Say Yes To The Dress”, “Cake Boss” and “Four Weddings”,  is secretly sponsored by pharmaceutical companies hawking anti-depressants.

Or maybe icecream manufacturers.

Ben & Jerry did always strike me as sadistic fuckers, with their tiny tubs of 87 thousand calorie deliciousness.