Sunday, September 4, 2011

Plenty Of Fish notes: 09/04/2011

Guys, I know English is a fucked up language, but words like “playful”, “helpful” and “wonderful” only have ONE L  at the end ... it’s “dining”, not “dinning” ... and you like to go “biking”, not “bikking”.
And, for crying out loud, you want to “pique” someone’s interest, not “peek” it.
I will never understand why dudes get themselves tattoo’d all over with scarey shit...
Does it never occur to them that they’re gonna totally creep out the women who see them with no clothes on?
Who do they think they’re getting naked with? Satan? (don’t answer that)
Picture caption: “just spinnin’ some wheels with my bros
I don’t get how this is hot. 
When guys write stuff like this, are they trying to pick up other dudes?
Picture caption: “Casual day at work. Jeans and shirt with cufflinks were a big hit.”
What a douche. His coworkers hate his guts.
 My favorite movie is the Shawshank Redemption I don’t know why but I like that movie.”
I don’t know why, but I don’t envision long conversations into the wee hours of the morning
*long, awkward pause
 I have been known to remodel art galleries on my lunch breaks, making them more artistic specifically in the area of art.”
Sometimes the only appropriate reaction is “what the fuck????”
I’m looking for someone I can share experiences with
How sad. We're not a match. I am looking to share not-experiences with someone. 
To the guy interested in “ ... discussing the merits of spam as a member of one of the major food groups
Here’s how that conversation would go:
You:  Spam is a jellied canned luncheon meat made from the by-products of the pork industry.
Me:  Hang on. I’ve gotta take this call ... Oh. My god. My friend’s friend's hamster died. I have to go.
Whenever someone says they’re “searching for the one”,
it should be mandatory they also add “no pressure”.
I am very tall so if you don't like overly tall men then I am probably not for you.”
Yes. Because women  typically aren’t attracted to big, strapping lads who can reach shit for them.
Boys, never ever ever write on your profile that you’re easygoing. 
Some woman will find you, whip you, drain your bank account and put your mother in a home.
I can pee in the woods and I don't wear sketchers
Wait. I fucking like Skechers. I have 3 pairs.  Was that a diss? 
Or does he mean he doesn’t skin artists and wear them as coats?

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Averill, keep 'em comin'! Your blog is what starts my day off with laughter. I want to hug you for making me laugh before I've had my first cup of coffee. ;) Lots of love, Shawna