America’s NEW Favorite Pastime: ULTIMATE FIGHTING BASEBALL

I have invented a new game …

America’s NEW Favorite Pastime:  ULTIMATE FIGHTING BASEBALL

Rules & Regulations

Rule #1:  No cups, no mouth guard, no protective gear whatsoever.  UFB is not for chickenshit mama's boys.
 
Rule #2:  As you slide into a base, you have to punch the baseman in the nuts or you are OUT!
 
Rule #3:  A foul ball is any hit not intentionally aimed at someone's face.
 
Rule #4:  If a batter hits a single, the catcher must bitch-slap the pitcher once. Twice for a double. Three times for a triple.  In the event of a homerun, the catcher must break the pitcher's nose.
 
Rule #5:  If a batter is tagged out, while trying to steal a base, his team must shout profanities at him as he returns to the bench.
 
Rule #6:  A line-drive to a fielder's nutsack is an immediate grand-slam, regardless of how many batters are on base.
 
Rule #7:  Umpires are encouraged to kick the players.
 
Rule #8:  If you don't slide into a base, when you should have, and are tagged out, your teammates may call a time out to drag you through the gravel.
 
Rule #9:  A baseman not in possession of the ball may slow a runner by tripping or fish-hooking.
 
Rule #10:  The medic shall only be equipped with salt & cyanide. If you can't take it, you are an embarrassment to the American people & deserve to die.
 
Rule #11:  Tie games are decided by a sudden-death punch off between the opposing captains' mothers.

~
 
It's not whether you win or lose, that matters, it's how badly you maim your opponents.
 
Now go out there and WIN, you fucking pussies.
 
God Bless America.