I haz da foo

Woke up feeling like the monkey from Outbreak and wish I wouldn't keep seeing "Hepatitis is preventable" ads. 

Screw you, Facebook. That's kinda mean.

eating oat

I’m not telling how many bowls of granola I just had for lunch, but let’s just say the Saskatchewan Federation of Agriculture owes me a thank-you note.

Bullets that dodged you ...

I think we should all be grateful to online dating sites for having the “Users who viewed you" feature so we can see pictures of all the people who chose to not fuck us over.

express whine

 I have a theory grocery stores put their worst cashiers at the express lines to punish you for buying less than 8 items.

fashionable bitches

 I wish people wouldn't assume the dog's hot pink collar and leash mean she's approachable.

Just because a girl's stylish, doesn't mean she won't bite your ass.

No ants in MY pants ...

 Just noticed that the fabric used to line my pants-pockets is white with spiders. 

Hey, Old Navy, that's kind of creepy.

The sobering realities of aging ...

Drinking in my 20s: 

Wake up on a curb, skirt hiked up to there, covered in cigarette burns.

Drinking in my 30s: 

Wake up on the decorative pillows, wearing pink plaid PJs, covered in strawberry jam.