On online dating: #2,418,004

I don’t trust a big, burly, tattoo’d dude who has pictures of an itty-bitty girly-dog on his profile.

It probably means his last girlfriend moved out in such a rush, she was willing to leave her puppy...

We've GOT yer "something blue"

I have a sneaking suspicion TLC channel’s Friday night line-up aimed at chicks at home alone, with its multiple episodes of “Say Yes To The Dress”, “Cake Boss” and “Four Weddings”,  is secretly sponsored by pharmaceutical companies hawking anti-depressants.

Or maybe icecream manufacturers.

Ben & Jerry did always strike me as sadistic fuckers, with their tiny tubs of 87 thousand calorie deliciousness.

On online dating: #2,417,994

I have to marvel at the usernames men choose for their online dating profiles.

“Hellboy69” just doesn’t scream “long term, marriage and children” to me.  

I just can’t imagine someday exchanging vows with someone who chose that as his first impression.

OK, I can ... but I also envision bloodletting, a virgin and a volcano.

Bisque-it

I don’t think soup is the best lunch choice for someone doing low-carb.

I would set Pepperidge Farm on fire for crackers right about now.

Things that bring me joy: # 4,882,021

I like watching really pretty women on youtube and pausing the video so the screen shot makes them look goofy.

Is that wrong?

No, I didn't think so either.

The Bachelor (01/17/2011)

This is the most cheesetastic season ever.  Pass the Lactaid.

...

I keep mixing up my trashy TV shows; I keep thinking “These broads really need Patti Stanger.”

...

Telling a dude "I don't want to put pressure on you" puts pressure on him.

I learned this.  Last week.

;)

...

The Bachelor casting directors LOVE girls with attachment disorders, abandonment fears and daddy issues.

It's a miracle how they narrow it down to 25, from 87 bajillion.

...

Smart money is always on the crazy bitch with the biggest boobs who cries a lot.

I should go on this show.

...

you can't makeup this stuff up ...

Went a little overboard exfoliating my face today ... and have a writing class at Second City tomorrow.

So, I have to spend 3 hours with a bunch of aspiring comedians, looking like I have rug burn on my forehead. 

Awesome.