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Monday, January 10, 2011

On cougars

I don’t understand the whole cougar phenomenon.

A middle-aged, financially-independent woman looks for casual sex with younger dudes?

Please.

It’s not flattering when a kid in his 20s hits on you. He smells desperation. Or stupidity. Or money. It's not that he really thinks you're hot; He's hoping for a happy meal and a blow job.

Do women forget? Those kiddies aren’t good in bed. I wouldn’t sleep with them even when I was their age. Everything they know about sex, they learned from watching bad porn with their drinking buddies.

If an attractive woman says to an age-appropriate man that he could have no-expections, no-strings-attached sex with a an open-minded, free-spirited, independent woman who doesn’t expect him to buy dinner (or breakfast), he’d gladly bang you just as hard as any 24 year old.

Not to mention that you won't have to get up in the middle of the night to throw his bike in your trunk and give him a ride home to his mom's house.


Thursday, January 6, 2011

Wii Wheeeeeee!

I have decided I'll jump on the Wii bandwagon when they invent WiiLazy.
Figurative jumping, that is ... actual jumping is just retarded.

Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year revelations

Big balls dropping to mark a celebration could NOT have been an idea a dude came up with.

Just sayin'.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Dear Santa,

I’m ok with the Naughty List.
Coal’s not entirely useless. 
The graphite type might be nice;
I’m in the mood to do a little sketching.
Xoxo,
Averill

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Sugar! HI!

I just accidentally tried to put my travel-mug lid onto the sugar container.
Subconsciously, I think that says a lot about my carb addiction.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

pore grammar ...

Was watching a beauty video on youtube and heard a girl describe a facial moisturizer as “non-komodogenic”. 
I’m not familiar with that particular term, but assume it’s good and means “will keep you from looking like a lizard”.


Thursday, December 9, 2010

self-hair-awareness

Curled my hair today.

 

 A friend said, 

"It looks cute!"

I replied excitedly, 

"Thanks! It's kinda Kim Kardashian-inspired." 

 

~

OMFG, I am officially an asshole.